A dating meme

Due to the recent exposure I've had reconnecting with many old friends from high school and before, most of whom are NOT on their first marriage or long term relationship anymore (I have to include LTR because SOME of us can't yet marry - but I'm not bitchy about that...much) - it got me wondering...

...what - God forbid - would my dating profile look like if I EVER had to enter the dating marketplace again.

"Formerly gorgeous, now "settled" 45 yo GWM, 6'2" with what was once a football player build and currently in posession of most if not all of his own hair, recently widowed with dark sense of humor, mad culinary skillz and a totally random nature - except for my kitchen...don't you dare re-arrange ANYTHING in my kitchen....seeks independent yet nurturing GWM 40-55 with own car and apartment/home/job, no history of mental illness, addictive behavior or voting Republican.

The most qualified candidates will be:

• Endlessly attentive to my stories
• Able to name at least 3 of the top 5 "gay" movies
• Not a total show queen
  
• A big band fan
• Understanding of the fact that YES, I may pass out on occasion
• Understanding of the fact that I prefer to sleep in my chair some nights
• At least 5'7" - I will not compromise here. It's damned awkward.
• Preferably Celtic or Western European in origin - will consider others, but...feh.. why bother?
  
• Willing to occasionally listen to show tunes without calling me a fag or a show queen
  
• Tolerant of my friend AerialPJ and I and our mad schemes and plans. I promise you, our new performance art show, "It's Kabuki, bitches!" will be well accepted and reviewed - it will!! Really!
  
• Understanding of the fact that if he is not in a position currently, AerialPJ is the backup husband.
• Cognizant of who Isabella Rosellini and Gene Tierney are (this one is Pass/Fail, kittens.)
• Able to not put their Lilliputian underwear in my @#$%^&&* underwear drawer so I don't have to scream and swear and suffer bodily injury when I am dressing in the dark at 5 am to catch a train to New York City because you don't go to work until 1 p.m.
• Cruel and vindictive, as required.
• Endlessly devoted and loyal.
• Willing to be medicated or psychoanalyzed.
• Able to sing every Disney song since Little Mermaid.

For ease of reference, think Kitty Montgomery with a dark side.

If this sounds like you, then drop me a line. Photo and proof of employment required; copies of your voter ID card, previous year's tax return and current medical records moves you to the head of the line

What's your dating profile look like?