...what - God forbid - would my dating profile look like if I EVER had to enter the dating marketplace again.
"Formerly gorgeous, now "settled" 45 yo GWM, 6'2" with what was once a football player build and currently in posession of most if not all of his own hair, recently widowed with dark sense of humor, mad culinary skillz and a totally random nature - except for my kitchen...don't you dare re-arrange ANYTHING in my kitchen....seeks independent yet nurturing GWM 40-55 with own car and apartment/home/job, no history of mental illness, addictive behavior or voting Republican.
The most qualified candidates will be:
- Endlessly attentive to my stories
- Able to name at least 3 of the top 5 "gay" movies
- Not a total show queen
- A big band fan
- Understanding of the fact that YES, I may pass out on occasion
- Understanding of the fact that I prefer to sleep in my chair some nights
- At least 5'7" - I will not compromise here. It's damned awkward.
- Preferably Celtic or Western European in origin - will consider others, but...feh.. why bother?
- Willing to occasionally listen to show tunes without calling me a fag or a show queen
- Tolerant of my friend AerialPJ and I and our mad schemes and plans. I promise you, our new performance art show, "It's Kabuki, bitches!" will be well accepted and reviewed - it will!! Really!
- Understanding of the fact that if he is not in a position currently, AerialPJ is the backup husband.
- Cognizant of who Isabella Rosellini and Gene Tierney are (this one is Pass/Fail, kittens.)
- Able to not put their Lilliputian underwear in my @#$%^&&* underwear drawer so I don't have to scream and swear and suffer bodily injury when I am dressing in the dark at 5 am to catch a train to New York City because you don't go to work until 1 p.m.
- Cruel and vindictive, as required.
- Endlessly devoted and loyal.
- Willing to be medicated or psychoanalyzed.
- Able to sing every Disney song since Little Mermaid.
If this sounds like you, then drop me a line. Photo and proof of employment required; copies of your voter ID card, previous year's tax return and current medical records moves you to the head of the line
What's your dating profile look like?